i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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