Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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