half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker