I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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