I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already