Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.