Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
