Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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