i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
