I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
