So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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