who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
