i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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