my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you win again, gameday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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