you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
