They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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