my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
