is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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