Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
