Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
