Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
