do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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