currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
