guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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