I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
