I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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