Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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