I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize