Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
