Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
