Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
