Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
