So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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