I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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