Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
