I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
