so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
