just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
