I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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