Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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