he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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