I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How's work?
Spinning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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