What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
