I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
