oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
