Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
