you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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