i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
