If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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