You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
