How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She announced her abortion via fbk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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