There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
