alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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