I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
