Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize