'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had sex on a roof
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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