I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
