I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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