dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
