You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
