Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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