How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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