oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
