My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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