Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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