Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
