I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
