Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
