Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
