Sponge bath it is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
